Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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