I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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