so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
