Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize