Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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