So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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