Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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