At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
