i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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