Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
