went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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