I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
