I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
