I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
