guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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