It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She swung at the pinata with crutches
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
