Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This house was built for laser tag.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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