ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize