fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
