it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
