hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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