which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
