Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
