Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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