I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize