do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
