ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
