You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
