My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
