my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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