Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
