If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
