I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
