I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
