he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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