I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
