whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
