How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
