they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
