I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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