Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
