Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
