I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
