Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
