do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
