Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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