another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
