Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
