Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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