I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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