last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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