fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
