Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
