the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
