You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
