The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
