woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize