I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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