come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
