I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
