JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
